Disorder, Delusion, Distrust and Paranoia Abound
Passed on by Robert Becker
Note: Who knew “d-mail” existed (“d” for demonic?), let alone actual demons wreaking havoc upon our species (like we need help). Surfacing by chance in my e-mail, one Uncle Screwtape, with nothing less than gleeful abandon, discloses how Devilish chicanery favoring chaos and against authority is coming to fruition. Apparently, there’s no point just blaming liberal elitists or Tea Party sputtering, not Goldman Sachs, manipulation by rightwing billionaires, not even residual Bush-Cheney machinations. There are foreigners among us without birth certificates.
My dear Wormwood (wormwood.earth@RNC.con):
No, no, nephew, do not berate yourself because Our Leader has come “to take back his former Garden of Eden.” We in the Lowerarchy esteem your disruptions as inspired, stirring admirable dissension, despair and cynicism towards anyone in power, whether church or state, science or business. That lurch naturally advances estrangement from that Grand Old Dictator above – what else did you think “GOD” stands for?
What you’ve managed with cronies like Cheney, Rove, W., Limbaugh, Palin, and Beck is exemplary, using the sleaziest, decidedly inept political lying in decades to create mayhem. Bad lying is critical, especially when denying blatant reality, whether climate change or corporate hegemony, WMDs or 9/11 links with Saddam. Don’t gullible earthlings realize the issue isn’t when a closed planetary system overheats but when they pass the disaster tipping point? Of course, we dwellers in “darkness visible” know a bit about heat, but we inherited the place as is, didn’t transform it from a green paradise to fiery black in 150 years. And we devils get blamed.
Our Satanic Master Plan (SMP) keys to God’s scruffy creatures abandoning all hope, not only in human governance, but law, justice, war, religion, science, and capitalism. Thus, an array of simultaneous upheavals – shocking, church-shielded pedophilia, government assassination of its own citizens, faux death panels, unrestrained banking abuses, unmonitored oil spills – all capped off by the enduring Great Recession. Oh, what a time for devils and doom.
As you say, Satan hasn’t directly hoodwinked earthlings since conning those five Supreme Court rubes to put the great Boob in the White House, amplifying his every misjudgment and misstatement. Who but Satan could have imagined, then extended the great Florida election fiasco, compounded by letting a real loser, with one half million fewer votes, take over. At the time, lowerlings fretted High Command had over-reached but the results justified the gambit: W. ravaged everything he touched, roiling the planet like a deranged rooster on a drunken rampage.
Befuddle the GOP
How well you executed your mission: make Republicans stridently, belligerently wrong on everything: health insurance, casino capitalism, anti-terrorism, imperial, wrongheaded wars, taxation, V.P. picks, Obama’s legitimacy, natural disaster relief, offshore oil drilling, alternative energy, global warming, evolution, and now immigration. Of course, getting that idiot governor to celebrate the Confederacy while dismissing secession, slavery and rebellion – that was a feather in any fiend’s cap.
Certainly, devils are renowned for stretching the truth, even stage-managing now and again, but even our analysts wonder how long before embarrassingly ham-fisted liars like Limbaugh and Beck don’t get mortified? True, we initially promoted such blowhard propagandists to mystify the suckers. That novelty would wear off in a few months, we figured, but these loudmouths still get respect, and buffoons trust intellectual midgets over unmistakable reality? Sometimes, the “real America” makes it too easy for us.
And the penalty for denying reality is to put the Democrats in charge – and you know what that means. There’s no better way to destroy confidence in government than to follow eight years of authoritarian, anti-democratic extremism with indecisive Democrats, cowering loaf-splitters unsure what they believe – or if they believe in anything but getting “something” passed. That dizzying dynamic is a guarantee for alienation: despotism by a reviled minority sandwiched between nebulous misdirection by a majority party.
Turning on Their Own
Why in six years, someone like Jeb Bush will rush in to take over a “government in disarray,” pledging “I’m a uniter, not a divider,” for that line will still sound good. Rove will return, distorting the good old days. Better the decisive Bush devil you know than will-o’-the-wisp fumblers you distrust. Look at the great results: 80% of voters distrust their own elected government, think the Congress THEY elect bi-annually is a corrupt disgrace, and punish the president, whether he vacillates or moves ahead, with knee-jerk regularity? Ain’t democracy grand?
Like Wall Street traitors cheering when mortgages went sour, we devils would be dancing in the streets, if we had streets. Imagine the fabulous joke on Bible-belters, looking for the Rapture and instead getting Satan in the flesh. The best thing about total gullibility is the absence of limits. You take as plausible the president covertly smuggled in to Hawaii from Kenya 45 years ago – where they wrote a birth certificate and press notice? Has there been another time when bizarre paranoia against non-existent phantoms reigned, when conspiracy theories reproduced themselves like lemmings? So many millions believe irrational scenarios you wonder who’s left to execute them. There are so many paranoids they’re beginning to stare each other down. What fun, what disaster, what joy.
And we’re churning out not just Tea Partiers or “C Street Family” Christian Crusaders or idiots in Arizona turning in their own innocent neighbors. Up from the slime ooze Christian militias, white supremacists, and “patriotic” secessionists – wearing “put the riot back in patriot” sweatshirts. Imagine violence in the streets, secession blather, and Republicans back in power. Turmoil to warm the heart.
Palin, the Coup de Grace
Above all, we Lower Orders salute your brilliant orchestration of the rightwing Red Queen, yes, the unending Sarah Palin Sucker Pageant. How better to make the dispossessed feel even more miserable than glorify riches and attention to a no-talent phony who bamboozles her own clique. What a devilish creation: $12 million awarded an unelectable loudmouth who brags about not knowing anything but who ridicules those who do. As long as knowledge, wisdom and judgment are held in contempt, we prosper.
So, Wormwood, take heart: Our Leader is only adding the finishing touches, pulsing out more anger (as Obama succeeds), more despair (as Obama succeeds) and more hopelessness (is change possible?). The right can’t stand a soft-spoken corporate liberal with dark skin, the left despairs every principle and campaign promise is negotiable, and the center, looking for a unified vision, throws up its arms in dismay.
Our only worry is whether humankind will turn from the devils they know and confront reality – climactic, military, economic, or cultural – but frankly, trends are with the dark side. As the world gets more complex, the baffled masses of “real America” rush to more oversimplified soundbites guaranteed to bite them in the end. Is not global confusion and mayhem, paranoia and distrust, a bonanza for silver-tongued devils who promise freedom but deliver shackles?
I wouldn’t be surprised to see you get a multi-million dollar bonus, a promotion, and a better post in a less obscure world.
Yours,
Uncle Screwtape
