Jobs, It’s all just common CENTS! cause that’s all we can afford!

Jobs, It's all just common CENTS! cause that's all we can afford!


Where are the jobs? Olly olly, oxen free, free free !

Now, all I know is what I read on the internet, and all I see, other than politicians’ body parts, is the four letter word, JOBS! Where are the jobs? Who took the jobs? Jobs are gone; we need jobs. Now, all signs point in one direction, our President and his employees. I have seen the recent studies saying that our President and his administration are to blame.

Now, I have been following this President very closely, every move. Mainly because very early in the game he was labeled a socialist, which is odd because labeled as such, you’d think getting folk’s jobs would be top of his list to help that redistribution of wealth thing along.

I think it is odd that the two biggest issues on our country’s lips are: jobs, and immigration…
Let me attempt to approach this scientifically. Although I don’t claim to have that skill, after-all, I am a Democrat that way. Anyhow.

Here’s an experiment, and you can try this at home, AND it’s totally FREE; best four letter word in English. The only thing it will cost you is your time. Which, if you are out of work, you have plenty.

So, call up your bank, if you still have one. They don’t allow folks to be friends with them if you don’t give them something… MONEY. Call them, however don’t call your local bank, call the customer service 800 number with a problem. 1-800- 555-1212… (push a bunch of buttons) (wait ten minutes) and you’re talking to someone…. Then ask: where am I calling? Bank says: India …

Now, try calling EFAX (because I have called this company) or call any large corporate business and ask: where am I calling? Corporate business: (insert foreign country)

I have talked to more companies’ customer supports lately and all of them, ANOTHER country.

Now, experiment #2.
Go to a home depot or a nursery (plants), a field being harvested or go to a hotel/motel, and notice who has the jobs, most likely immigrants. Now, I am not saying that is wrong, just a fact that most Americans won’t take jobs like this. Odd when you think that this is how our country was built.

So my hypothesis is: The real reason jobs are at an all time low is because corporate America is outsourcing the jobs and Americans are losing jobs to foreigners.

Now, I like to give my readers a little bit of common cents… Which is about all we can afford right now.
So here’s, “The Plan”: Stop outsourcing and give the jobs to Americans. Treat it like the unions; union members get the jobs first and afterwards all others.
And if Americans took all the jobs first; field work, day labors, maid work… all the jobs that seem to have become immigrant jobs, we would kill two birds with one stone, jobs and immigration. It’s pretty rare that folks would move somewhere where there are no jobs.

Your friend,

Will Roberts

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Guys think with their Wiener! SURPRISED?

Since the beginning of time, the caveman time, man has been the master of all domains. The ruler, the chief. If he wanted something, he’d just take it. His food, his woman. It has always been the same… Kings, gladiators, cowboys, mob bosses… Man had been driven do anything for one thing… WOMAN! They will kill for them, travel around the world for them…
Well, not much has changed, and it still seems to be the one thing that drives us and gets us in trouble.
I bet ya can’t tell me a handful of times that a woman got in trouble for making a bad choice.

Sometimes, I think the evolution of MAN is directly affected by whether or not a man scores and, more often than not, you can see man jump back a few thousand years to his beginning as a caveman just by hanging out at a singles bar. Boy, I’ll tell ya that man can get pretty stupid pretty quick, drinking or not.

So what’s the point of all this you say? Well, I am trying to help you all understand the next step in the evolutionary advancement of MAN; not woman, MAN.
It seems that if you want these days to see examples of the originally hair pulling caveman just visit Washington DC! Our male politicians seem to be proving that just because you have an education and power does not mean you are smart, and you will make the right decisions. Of course, I am talking about Anthony Weiner and his internet escapades, or the countless other politicians that think having a prominent post in government means you’re a chick magnet.

Now, his ability to do his job and whether or not he is the right person for his job because he lies, has come to the surface. I say to you folks, are you ever surprised when we catch a politician lying? Or avoiding answering a question? This group of folks (politicians) are the only bunch of folks that if they don’t lie, we don’t trust them.

Did Mr. Wiener do something wrong; you bet! But was it illegal? Not as far as we know. Do we kick him out? Well, I guess IF he stays of his own accord, the voters will decide. Now, I was listening to Hanity and he made a very good point. He said, what if one of these ladies decided to blackmail him and she said, I won’t if you help my origination by getting this funding to us. See, the real issue is that regardless of what he did, will it affect his job, which ultimately will affect us? Then of course you have to ask, do both side of the aisle take part in this type of behavior? … That really should not be considered a question, more like an answer… ‘Cause they do!

So, these days it’s more like… Mr. Smith goes to Washington, but stops off at a strip club for a lap dance.

I would like to believe I am an optimist. I believe people are good. Give folks a chance to do good and they will make good, but only if they know folks believe in them. It’s kind of a parent – kid relationship type advice,

See, up until the wall -
Mr. Smith goes to Washington, but stops off at a strip club for a lap dance
MAKE NO MISTAKE! Wiener is bad; more than that, not smart. Thanks for proving guys think with their Wiener SIR!

Your friend,

Will Roberts

About Will:
Cowboy Act in the Cirque Du Soleil show “Viva Elvis in Vegas. Syndicated Cartoon/Humorist – Will Says – A modern Day Will Rogers.

In this modern day and age American`s newest slogan is: Mom, apple pie and high speed Internet. They say you can live two weeks without food, a day or so without water ” but take someone`s Internet access away and they won`t last five minutes.
- Will Roberts

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Top Al Qaeda Commander Killed!

Top Al Qaeda Commander Killed!

Dear Obama,

If you knock off any more of these bad guys… We won’t have to have a 2012 election!
Luckily you won’t have to have much of a plan for the 2012 race… Mainly because the Republicans have their own plan, and that is to kill each other off first!

I wrote a few months back that this Republican circus was going to make this three ring media circus look like amateur hour… Well, I was wrong! I am officially naming the 2012 election season, “The 2012 freak show!” Not very poetic, but very true.

The Republican field is getting to be pretty broad. In the end, conservatives might be depending on someone who is anything but conservative when it comes to opening their mouth… I don’t want to point fingers, but I will say this person is REVERED by the GOP.

Your friend,

Will Roberts
Humorist @ Large!

About Will:
Cowboy Act in the Cirque Du Soleil show “Viva Elvis in Vegas. Syndicated Cartoon/Humorist – Will Says – A modern Day Will Rogers.

In this modern day and age American`s newest slogan is: Mom, apple pie and high speed internet. They say you can live two weeks without food, a day or so without water, but take someone`s internet access away and they won`t last five minutes.
- Will Roberts

( Press Photo: http://www.cowboytrails.org/Roberts%20Will%20B&W.jpg )

*****
Will Roberts
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Washington is Hyped up on Medicare … Will Says

Will Says ... Washington is Hyped up on Medicare

Will Says ... Washington is Hyped up on Medicare

By Will Roberts

Well, today, as I type this out I am at the doc`s office. Now don`t worry “cause Mrs. Roberts makes sure that I do the right things to keep me young “cause she`s younger than me & no one wants to hang out with an old cranky sick man; we have enough of those fellas in Washington. The only thing I think I could claim as an ailment is the nagging I get if I don`t do the right things my wife tells me to do. But I will tell you that`s a whole lot better than having someone say “I told you so!” on your death bed or not having someone care at all.

Now, it`s been some time since I have had a physical, you know the whole prodding and poking routine. I can tell you not much has changed; it still remains to be called prodding and poking! Only difference is, when you get older, you care less if the nurse is pretty and care more if they find something.
The good thing is that they leave the worst for last; this only applies to guys … Cough!

Well, I got to the office thirty minutes before my scheduled appointment, to fill out the paperwork. Boy, I`ll tell you folks if I would have known that I was going to be quizzed on my life I would have studied up. I only hope that they come out with a book on all the info I gave them and I get a royalty. Especially because most of the questions they asked me were about body parts I knew nothing about and are not something I thought anyone would want to read about.

I did, after one and a half hours, get in to see the doc, but not before I had a chance to see a whole array of folks from old to young, weak to strong. I like to believe my line of work (a stage performer) has allowed me to spot if folks are happy or sad just by looking at their faces. I have to say that most folks don`t seem very happy waiting in a doctor`s office. It`s a given that you usually not there because you want to check in with the doctor to rub in the fact that you are healthy and you won`t be needing his services anymore. No, in most cases you are there `cause something not right and the doc is the to tell you, “I told you so!”

Ok, so I finally get in and much to my surprise I am not seeing the doctor, no, I am seeing the nurse practitioner, I have to say, I would rather not have the person called a PRACTItioner PRACTICing on me, sounds a little bit geeni pig-ish.

Here we go…
Someone brought me into the room, someone else took my temperature, Someone else took my blood pressure. The interesting thing to me is each one of the first three folks and including the PRACTICING nurse asked me the same four questions, which were in that stack of forms I filled out; I think they were testing me.
Maybe in the end, based upon how well I know myself, they decide how much I pay.

I am one of the lucky folks that has a job that has benefits. Sometimes that makes me wonder if I really am the lucky one. Now I don`t want you to think this is my Republican blood sneaking out. I believe that if folks are human they deserve human decency when it comes to our country`s services and care. I feel I needed to express that before I went on. Nothing worse than being misunderstood because you`re not book-smart enough to convey your thoughts.

Ok, as I was saying, maybe folks that don`t have medical Insurance might be in a better bargaining position. Here`s why: My family will be my example: my mother does not have anything other than Medicare and my father`s (deceased) benefits. I have Insurance with yearly limits.

If my mother, has an issue medically she can use what the government gives her. Then in her, and I say HER case, she runs out of Medicare money, she has lower income programs that allow her to get better rates on a place to live, eat, service… However, in my case I get a certain amount of yearly money and if I go over that, I have to wait until the next year and start again. That does make it tough if you are in the middle of a procedure.

This Medicare mess needs clarifying. Now, I don`t know if Democrats have it wrong, or Republicans have it right or vice-versa. What I do know is that politicians can make the simplest issue seem like brain surgery. I say put it all on two pieces of paper, make it simple, and don`t let a lawyer draft it, “cause you`ll need a lawyer to decode that lawyer`s mumbo jumbo. Then send it to each and every American with a voting ballot.

This way “we the people” can tell our government what we want. If we leave this issue up to the politicians in Washington, we might just need an aspirin and someone to call in the morning!

Your friend,

Will Roberts

About Will:
Cowboy Act in the Cirque Du Soleil show Viva Elvis in Vegas. Syndicated Cartoon/Humorist – Will Says – A modern Day Will Rogers.

In this modern day and age American`s newest slogan is: Mom, apple pie and high speed Internet. They say you can live two weeks without food, a day or so without water ” but take someone`s Internet access away and they won`t last five minutes.

- Will Roberts

*****
Will Roberts
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“The Good Will Tour”
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“All I Know Is What Little I Read On The Internet!”

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The REAL question Mr. Obama is, why won’t Trump Marry an American Girl?

Will Rogers humor

By Will Roberts

Now, you folks that read my column may notice that I don`t get too much into the policy parts of politics – you know; the exact facts. Mostly “cause it`s too easy for someone smarter than this cowboy to call me on a fact that I either overlooked it or I got from a news source that just minutes ago, was discredited for putting the “ifs`, “ands` and “buts` in the wrong places.

These days, the fine print is what will get you into deep trouble; I leave all the real facts to the pundits, the economists and the politicians…

The boys that can afford the law suits, and pay enough money to make it look like it was the other guy`s fault.

Now, if you want to throw facts around about how to rope a steer or ride a bull, I`ll go head to head with you, but not the Washington bull. I will stick to the ridiculous part of politics, “cause there`s plenty of that you can spout about without ever being wrong.

> So, with what I said above, I feel obligated to give you all something substantially absurd to chew on today… And I found it.

“Trump again questions Obama`s birthplace.”

In the cowboy world we call this one “beating a dead horse”, only it`s beating a dead horse that has been dead and buried for quite some time. Like since our President started running for the office of President in 07. That`s when they ask for the important docs that prove you are who you say you are. As far as I can see; that`s when Mr. Obama`s birth certificate was produced.

To me, this is like the movie that James Stewart starred in with the rabbit, “Harvey”. The story is about a man that sees a seven foot rabbit; but no one else sees it.

Mr. Trump and all the other folks drinking the same TEA… Are seeing things that all the other Americans don`t see, and that is that their President is not from the USA. They think our President is hiding something, namely his real birth certificate.

The statement, Obama is hiding something is definitely funny, seeing that regardless of what party he is in, he`s a politician. I mean, isn`t every politician hiding something?

If they weren`t they`d be a priest!  Wait, scratch that.

I kinda feel stupid even hashing and rehashing this subject. When moments like this happen, it reminds me of my father; rest his soul. I would say, “That car is white”, and he would say, No, it`s OFF white “. Point is, he just had it in his head he was always right, even if you showed him the proof. Some folks will go to their grave believing what they want to.

The thing that really gets me is, isn`t it a little too late for this conversation. It`s not like we bought a new Toyota, and we got it home and found out it was a Yugo. There is no cooling off period. He is the President and even if we did find out he was born outside the USA. There`s no “take backs” or ” do-overs”. Now, it MIGHT affect the 2012 elections…Wait a minute, I get it, 2012 elections …Trump is thinking of running. This is no more than just political dirty pool.

Mr. Trump, maybe in land deals you can use shady tricks to advance your business. However, we like our political figures to have a somewhat clean past. Donald Trump: married 3 times & divorced. Can`t find an American wife, (what`s wrong with woman from the US?) and talk about hiding something …the hair. I have a feeling you might have more to uncover than you want us to uncover.

Please run in 2012, it will make this extra silly season that much more fun to UN Cover. By the way, I think Michele Bachman might be a good VP.

Your friend,

Will

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Roberts is currently a featured act on the Las Vegas strip, trick roping. If you would like to connect with Will Roberts, the join him on Twitter www.Twitter.com/WillRogersUSA  or Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Will-Roberts-Americas-Favorite-Cowboy-Humorist-/364791256981

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Presidential Race of 2012, Obama the Favorite, Republican’s Undecided!

Boy, this race for 2012 is starting to pick up speed. At the same time, so is President Obama. Polls show that he is going to be a tough ticket to beat. Now, I don`t know if that is because folks or the media think he is doing a good job…finally, as one of my Republican friends said the other night and then followed it up with, thanks to Speaker Boehner and the Republicans.

If you folks have your abacuses near and you have been keeping count of the Republicans` first two years under Obama and now the two years we are in right now; then please let me know if you see something I don`t. “Cause I don`t see much more action from Republicans in this start of the last two years of Obama`s four year term than I did in the previous two years. Mainly cause I think folks define action as making something happen, and not just talking about what CAN happen if you vote them in.”

So, now pollsters and pundits and the people seem to see something in our President that makes him the candidate of choice for 2012.

Of course, things could change at the drop of a hat as they do in politics. All it takes is a good scandal or a good sound bite of an episode where someone from the opposite party catches our President in a little white lie; hmmm bad choice of words.

So don`t be surprised in the next year if something surfaces that incriminates a Democrat. Incrimination is the life blood of a good campaign.

Of course, having a good candidate is an essential part of a good campaign and Republicans have started to surface some their possible 2012 runners but as of right now they are just walking slowly.

All the possible candidates I have seen, Romney, Palin, Huckabee … They all seem to lack the fire and conviction they normally have for a Presidential race. Again, maybe confidence is the key component lacking in this field of runners.

I predict another trend in this race: old candidates. I think the final field will be older. Why not, after all, if they know they don`t stand a chance then the younger Republicans can stand in the (Right) wing and wait until 2015 and run on better odds?

This just might be the race of the old guy… Candidates like Gingrich, Paul, heck maybe they should pull McCain out for one last spin. Throw caution to the wind; why not if you have nothing to lose or more important, nothing to WIN?

On a bolder note: Governor Christie of New York has been touting the fact that he will not run in 2012, but if he did he is sure he would win. I say to you sir, confidence like that is only reserved for those who actually run the race, not those who stand on the sidelines and watch. You can`t tell us you have an amazing track record and then you don`t set foot on the track. Even a prize fighter has to walk the walk after he talks the talk. So, it`s all in, or give the PR to the real contenders.

Your Friend,

Will

I want to add a little extra at the end here… I didn`t put it in the beginning because it would have definitely changed the mood of my comments and I will let the politicians be in control of the mood of the 2012 race.

This last Friday, my father passed away. It was not sudden; it was not much of a surprise but it is not something that anyone wants to have happen. He was not my real father, but for the past thirty six years my mother called him her husband, so I felt it right to call him Dad. I spent most of my childhood with him influencing my life and how and what I know today was a direct effect of how he fathered me. Sometimes good, sometimes bad…in my opinion ;) . He had a great logical mind and could fix or repair anything. He was to me the original MacIver. I remember countless times in his workshop watching him make or fix things. He inspired my mind to think the same way he did when I was staring at a problem. I can`t tell you have many things I ripped apart to either fix or just to see how they work. He would always tell me, “Son it`s Ok to take things apart, as long as you put them back together.” Well dad, I got real good at taking things apart and putting them back together; I only wish you were around to tell me what I am supposed to do with all the extra parts left over. I love you Dad; rest in peace.

Your son

Will

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2012 Presidental Race
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Uncle Sam says: I Want Y0U to… Pay up or MOVE OUT

Uncle Sam says: I Want Y0u to… Pay up or MOVE OUT

By Will Roberts
`Home sweet home` is synonymous with having a comfortable home you are proud of.

Slogans let folks know how we feel. Here are a few that the Army has used over the years.

There`s strong, then there`s Army Strong.

Have the courage to help a buddy.

You are wanted by the US Army.

Never let your buddy fight alone.

And of course Uncle Sam and I Want YOU!

All these slogans either have been made to let the world know how our armed forces stand or to market young folks in believing that the military is the way to go if you want an education or you are made in the US of A!

Now, at no time did it ever cross my mind that the government (Uncle Sam) would give our troops the American dream and not include the perk of “Room & Board included”.

See it seems that the one of the biggest problems our troops are facing is not on the fighting in the field, not in their minds, but that our fighters are thousands of miles away from their families and their “Home Sweet Homes” for months, years, only to find out that they are the ones being foreclosed on.

How has this happened? These folks put their lives on the line and all they want to know is that their country has their back YARD! The Government can give them an education – how to fight, assemble a gun, defend our country and in the end all they get is a boot in the behind and no place to come home to.

Kinda sounds like prison; why would the criminals want to leave the prison? The only thing they have when they leave is a few bucks in their pockets, a few friends that knew what it was like on the inside and a government that took their life and home away. This might be ok for criminals, but not for the men and woman who put their lives on the line every day, so that we can have our American dreams, mom, apple pie and a roof overhead.

Ironic that the troops are trained to spot and take down the predators, when the reality is that the real predators are putting lock boxes on their homes while they are away. Plus, they are in many cases leaving the burden of the barrage calls from the bill collectors and the hassle up to the spouses of the troops. Because they have enough to deal without having a loved one in harm`s way.

If you government boys need a plan, I got one for ya!

Here`s my plan:

. If the government wants to throw money away or bailout anyone, let it be our heroes. Take the hit on the real estate; I mean, do you all really think these homes will ever sell? It`s hard to sell homes when the rich keep having new ones made. Give the troops the homes. It`s a fraction of what they give every day on the front-lines.

Your friend,

Will

Will Roberts is a trick roper and cowboy humorist, who pays tribute to Will Rogers, America`s cowboy, with a wit as quick as his rope.

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New FOX Reality show: The Real Senators of DC!

See, C-Span wants to capture wide shots of the Chamber and also to catch lawmakers` reactions while their colleagues are on the floor or selling their goods (that`s where the real political theater lives).

Ok, so let`s say you`re a guy and you get a “Dear John` letter. Now, you know what that means? It means the letter says how great you are, but she does not want to see any more of you; OR she wants to be just friends. You know the kind of friend you bump into once in a blue moon. Well, this happened to the Speaker of the House today. Only his Dear John letter said: Dear John, would love to see more of you! See, seems CSpan want to send in more cameras to cover John Boehner and the gang on the hill in their everyday life situations.

Now, here`s the rub… Mr. Boehner is the one giving the cold shoulder. He does not want anything to do with CSPAN. He seems to think that their relationship is fine the way it is.

See, C-Span wants to capture wide shots of the Chamber and also to catch lawmakers` reactions while their colleagues are on the floor or selling their goods (that`s where the real political theater lives).

“Cause that is all they do in there; sell to each other. Like snake oil salesmen, they just try to charm each other into believing that whatever they are selling is what they need to have.

The way it stands now…

“C-SPAN is limited to static shots that are controlled by Congress.”

Now, mind you, back in 2010, Mr. Boehner wrote CSPAN a little letter calling for greater television access to debate over President Obama`s health care legislation.

“Every issue of national import should be debated by the people`s elected representatives in full public view,”

Now with the tables turned and Mr. Boehner is sitting at the head of the table. He wants to make sure the American public are looking at the hands on top of the table and not below where all the real deals are made.

Funny thing about politicians; they will spend all day defending the eyes of justice. As long as they are blind when looking in their direction.

Politicians are always looking to get voters` attention, but only during an election year. Any other time they would rather not see or hear from them.

I have always said, if politician want voters` attention, they would open FOX cameras to the Chambers. Call it what it is, a reality show. Tonight on FOX: Democrats & Republicans live in one House! Now watch them battle for control.

If they did that, boy, folks would watch them day and night.

Your friend,

Will Roberts

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President Hu Jintao is the Reason for the Birth of 99 cent Stores …Will Says

Well, it seems like everyone on the hill has had a few moments with Dictator Hu Jintao… Sorry, darn that spell-check, DIRECTOR Hu Jint

Will Says... President Hu Jintao is the Reason for the Birth of 99 cent Stores 	 By Will Roberts 	 	  0diggsdigg  Well, it seems like everyone on the hill has had a few moments with Dictator Hu Jintao... Sorry, darn that spell-check, DIRECTOR Hu Jintao. I always mix those two words. They mean the same, right? Anyhow, let`s go with President Hu Jintao, I mean that`s what he calls himself.

President Hu Jintao

ao. I always mix those two words. They mean the same, right? Anyhow, let`s go with President Hu Jintao, I mean that`s what he calls himself.

Seems that Pres. Hu Jintao has been passed around Washington like one of China`s LEAD-free toys in a Cracker Jacks box.

The odd thing is that although he is getting the red carpet treatment, most everyone would rather take him out back and beat him like a dirty carpet. Now, for those of you that don`t know China`s background and the way they treat their people… Google it.

So, the idea that the two leaders meet here in the USA and talk about making a deal, a trade deal. That`s odd considering that China already has the deal. The U.S. spends TRILLIONS of dollars every year on these products from China. Unless this is a new deal that allows us to TRADE back all the bad junk they sold us.

This relationship with China is like a drug addict & pusher.

We are hooked on getting all our products from them and they are hooked on our money.

but, wait, our President is thinking of his country and is not letting President Hu Jintao get away without buying some ” Made in the USA ” products.

It will be in the form of a commitment from China to purchase 200 Boeing aircraft worth $19 billion. I think they are going to buy around 45 billion worth of American goods. We buy 1 trillion they buy 45 billon that seems even.

Mr. President, since theses planes will have a sticker on them that says, “Made in the USA” and it is so rare these days to find a product made in the US, couldn`t we just call it a limited edition, have Buzz Aldrin sign it and charge five times more?

Now, I know this is an attempt to tackle unemployment, Mr. President. But you can`t tell me you couldn`t find a product that they don`t make in China that could get more Americans working. Like … ?

… Um… Ok, you win, Mr. Obama, good job on the planes.

Let me refresh your memory with one of my comments I wrote when you were just a candidate:

The U.S. spends TRILLIONS of dollars every year on products from China. We might be supporting our troops over there but were certainly not supporting our “Made in the USA” merchants here at home.

Seems to me the reason we are having all these RECALLS from China may be that they`re sending us all the seconds on the products they make. They keep all the good products and we get the leftovers.

We have got to stop being such a dependant country, oil, goods, or outsourced services. Don`t just buy American products, demand American products. If you think we would be losing a lot of jobs if we stopped getting our goods from other countries, think about how many jobs we would create. We might even be able to sell them some goods; or, we may even be able to pay off the national debt.

If we don`t start making more American products, the only thing we may be able to get for Christmas next year is our imagination, unless the lead gets to that first.

We need a program that gets the saws and hammers of America moving. Make US, Buy USA! Buy local, and does not mean local Wal-Mart, it means your community.

In this time of our country where everything seems a little down including the dollar; don`t let the big boys have your money when we need it most.

Now, I am not saying don`t buy from stores, we have to do that. Just try to send a message that you love this shop, but would love it more if they carried products from the USA.

Ok, well, Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, I guess still I flip a coin on this greeting thing… but when it comes to decorating I really have to call it a Christmas Tree.

PS. Note to Santa: Included below is my list of things for Christmas, NOT TO BRING ME. Oh, and by the way, please check the bottom of the cookie bags to make sure they are not made in China; we would hate to see you go down.

January 2007

* Toxic Overalls: Samarra Brothers recalled Chinese-manufactured children`s two-piece overall sets because the coatings on the snaps in the overalls and shirt contain excessive amounts of lead, posing a serious risk of lead poisoning and adverse health effects to young children.

* Fire Hazard Heaters: Family Dollar Stores recalled 35,000 oscillating ceramic heaters that were found to overheat and smoke, which could pose a fire hazard to consumers.

* Bad Wiring In Fans: Holmes Group recalled about 300,000 Chinese-manufactured oscillating tower fans that were found to have bad wiring that creates a fire hazard.

* Dangerous Candles: Sally Foster recalled over 46,000 sets of imported Tea Lights candles after it was reported that the candles have a clear, plastic shell that can melt or ignite, posing a fire or burn hazard to consumers.

* Dryers With Electrocution Hazard: Metropolis Beauty recalled about 18,000 Travel`N Baby Mini Hair Dryers, which were not equipped with an immersion protection plug to prevent electrocution if the hair dryer falls into water. Electric shock protection devices are required by industry standards for all electric hand-held hair dryers.

* Improperly Wired/Flammable Lamps: Hong Ten Trading recalled about 4,000 electric oil lamps that had power cords that were not correctly secured and had no strain relief on their switch housing. The switch housing was also not flame-retardant, which poses a fire hazard.

February 2007

* Overheating Remote Controls: Best Buy recalled about 10,000 Isignia DVD Player remotes after it was found that improper battery placement in the remote could result in overheating and present a burn hazard.

* Lead Poisoning Hazard: 115,000 Claudia Jublot children`s rings, which were sold at Big Lots stores, were recalled because they contained dangerous levels of lead.

* Defective Lamps: Currey & Company of Georgia recalled about 2,600 Chinese-manufactured lamps that had defective light sockets, which could pose electrical shock and fire hazards.

* Lead Accessories: Kidsite jewelry sets, which were sold at Kmart stores across America, were recalled for containing high levels of lead.

* Toxic Jackets: Samara Brothers recalled thousands of it`s outwear jackets for children because the snap closures on the jackets contained excessive amounts of lead, which poses a lead poisoning hazard.

* Lead Bracelets: Imported Chinese bracelets that were sold under the “Ultra Gear” brand were recalled because they contained high levels of lead.

* Hazardous Toy Batteries: JAKKS Pacific recalled over 240,000 battery packs for toy vehicles after dozens of reports of the batteries melting or catching fire.

* Lead Rings: About 280,000 children`s Rachael Rose Kidz rings were recalled after they were found to contain high levels of lead.

March 2007

* Breakable Bike Frames: Target`s made-in-China Triax PK7 and Vertical PK7 bike frames were recalled after it was found that the frames could break rather easily, injuring anyone unlucky enough to be riding such a bike.

* Razor Blades For Kids: Tri Star International recently recalled a made-in-China children`s stationary, which contained a dangerous razor blade.

* Shocking Extension Cords: Dollar Stop Plus recalled 15-foot extension cords that had undersized wiring, and failed to connect properly at the plug and receptacle ends. This poses fire, shock and electrocution hazards to consumers.

* Lead Easels: Discount School Supply recalled Elite about 2,500 5-in-1 Easels after finding that the chalkboard side of the Chinese-manufactured easels contained high levels of lead.

* Lead Necklaces: Children`s necklaces sold at Accessories Palace were recalled because they contained high levels of lead.

* Toxic Paint: Toys R Us recalled over 128,000 Elite Operations toy sets because the paint used by the Chinese manufacturer of the toys contained high levels of lead.

* Lead Mood Necklace: About 47,000 children`s mood necklace imported from China by Rhode Island Novelty were recalled for containing high levels of lead.

* Dangerous Sconces: Home Decorators recalled about 900 Chinese-produced wall sconces, after finding that many were missing back plates, which exposes consumers to live wires and poses a risk of electrical shock to consumers changing the light bulb.

* Lead Paint On Baby Toys: Stuffed Fun Balls, which were sold at dollar stores and other discount stores from June 2006 until March 2007, were recalled because the paint used by the Chinese manufacturer of the baby toy contained dangerous levels of lead.

April 2007

* Poison Pet Food: Two Chinese companies intentionally exported contaminated pet food ingredients to the United States, killing hundreds of American pets that ate the food.

* Unhappy Hanukkah: Aviv Judaica Imports recalled its Chanukah Oil Candles sets after it was found that they can become engulfed in flames and melt the plastic cups holding the candles in place, allowing hot wax to leak out, which poses fire and burn hazards to consumers.

* Oil Heater Fire Hazard: Holmes Group recalled about 300,000 of its oil-filled electric heaters after discovering that a poor electrical connection within the Chinese-manufactured heaters could overheat and cause fires.

* Flaming Boomboxes: Coby Electronics recalled over 13,000 USB/MP3/CD boomboxes due to electrical problems that could cause them to overheat and catch fire.

* Collapsing Baby Seats: Infant Bouncer Seats were recalled by Oeuf LLC after reports the seats` metal frame breaking.

* Flammable Baby Clothes: Disney Stores recalled its Baby Einstein Caterpillar Sleepwear and Baby Einstein Duck Sleepwear because of a failure to meet the children`s flammability standard, posing a risk of burn injury to children.

* Hazardous Candles: McCormick Distilling Company recalled 60,000 Tequila Rose Strawberry Cream candle sets after finding that the martini glass containing the gel candle can break while the candle is burning, posing fire and burn hazards to consumers.

* Lead Bracelets: A&A Global Industries issued a recall for about 4 million of its Children`s Groovy Grabber Bracelets, which were painted with paint that contained high levels of lead.

* Lead Key Chains: Dollar General Merchandising recalled about 400,000 Chinese-manufactured Keychains because they contained high levels of lead.

* Shocking Palm Trees: iObjectSolutions Inc. of Georgia`s Chinese-made Pre-lit Palm Trees was found to have electrical problems with its lighting system, which could cause fires or electric shocks.

* Unguarded Blades: Sears warned customers to remove the “Craftsman” logo label from their Chinese-made Craftsman Circular Saws, after it was found that the label could become partially detached, leading to exposure of the saw blade and injury to those operating the saw.

May 2007

* Toxic Fish: It is believed that imported Chinese monkfish was actually deadly puffer fish, a labeling disaster that lead to the hospitalization of at least one person in America.

* Tween`s Lead Jewerly: Tween Brands Inc. of New York recalled a set of Chinese-manufactured metal jewelry for children that jewelry contained high levels of lead, which can cause adverse health effects and is toxic if ingested by young children.

* Toxic Drums: The Boyds Collection of Pennsylvania recalled its “Eli`s Small Drums and Liberty`s Large Drums” when it was found that the paint used by its Chinese manufacturer contained dangerous levels of lead.

* Children`s Rings: Cardinal Distributing Company of Maryland recalled its “Children`s Turquoise Rings” for containing dangerous levels of lead.

* More Lead Jewelry: Spandrel Sales and Marketing of Arizona recalled 200,000 children`s necklaces, bracelets and rings because they contained dangerous levels of lead.

* Collapsing Stools: Cracker Barrel Old Country Store recalled over 2,000 Chinese-manufactured kitchen stools, which had been found to unexpectedly collapse during use.

* Lead Bamboo: Anima Bamboo Collection Games, manufactured by HaPe International Ltd., of Ningbo, China, were recalled when the toys in game sets were found to contain lead paint.

* Hazardous Grills: Grills produced in China by Sagittarius Sporting Goods were recalled after many were found to be missing a hose that connects the grill manifold to its side burner, posing a risk of fires and burn injuries to customers.

* Toxic Jesus Fish: Oriental Trading Company of Nebraska recalled over 130,000 religious fish necklaces for children, which had been found to contain high levels of lead.

* Hazardous Candles: Vivre Royal was forced to recall a set of Chinese-produced candles when it came to light that their exterior coating and decorations were highly flammable.

June 2007

* Kerosene Eyeballs: Gemmy Industries recalled several hundred plastic “Floating Eyeballs” because they contained kerosene, which if broken, presents a chemical hazard to children.

* Deadly Tires: Tire importer Foreign Tire Sales, based in Union, N.J., recalled as many as 450,000 tires after it was reported that the treads on light-truck radials manufactured by Hangzhou Zhongce Rubber Co. in Hangzhou, China, were shoddily manufactured and could separate. Several traffic deaths have been blamed on such tires.

* Tainted Seafood: The FDA detained imports of three types of Chinese fish – catfish, basa and dace – as well as shrimp and eel after repeated testing turned up contamination with drugs unapproved in the United States for use in farmed seafood.

* Toxic Thomas the Tank Engine Toys: American toy company RC2 was forced to recall a series of wooden toys based on the popular children`s show after it was revealed that they were painted with dangerously toxic paint.

* Lead Earrings: Accessoriesã”`»Silver Stud Earring Sets, jewelry for kids that was sold in Kmart stores across America, were recalled after being found to contain dangerous levels of lead.

* Deadly Cribs: American company Simplicity Inc. recently found that the directions for its made-in-China Nursery-In-A-Box crib had been improperly produced. If followed, the Chinese-made directions could cause the crip to come apart and trap/injure babies.

* Poisonous Toothpaste: The FDA recently found that several low-priced toothpastes imported from China contained diethylene glycol, which poisons the liver and kidneys and depresses the central nervous system.

* Lead Necklaces: Geocentral`s Butterfly Necklaces for kids were recalled when it was found that the metal clasps on the necklaces contained dangerous levels of lead.

* Unexpected Shattering: Pier 1 Imports recalled over 200,000 Chinese-made glassware pieces after it was found that they can crack or break unexpectedly, posing a laceration hazard to consumers.

* Collapsing Recliners: Rockinghamt

Your friend,

Will

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A Dear John (Boenher) Letter to The Weeper of The House

A Dear John (Boenher) Letter to The Weeper of The House

Howdy Mr. Obama, I see where you are having troubles in your HOUSEhold. It would seem that the new tenant, Mr. Boehner, is being a little anti-social. Is this not the person that says he likes Facebooking? Maybe all he needs is a little poke!

Howdy Mr. Obama, I see where you are having troubles in your HOUSEhold. It would seem that the new tenant, Mr. Boehner, is being a little anti-social. Is this not the person that says he likes Facebooking? Maybe all he needs is a little poke!

I have been reading that he is deliberately ignoring your invitations to events with your circle of friends. I want you to know you should not totally blame yourself. I am sure there are many reasons this could be happening.

1. Maybe he is shy; he does tend to get embarrassed easily and turn red.

2. He is emotional and at a moment`s notice he can break into a sob. Watch out; he might use that one to sway some voters and house members.

So, if you would not mind I drafted a Dear John letter for you to send to the Weeper of the House to see if You can see what`s going on. Like my parents used to say, “It`s my house and you live by my rules, and if you don`t you can move anytime.

(Please handwrite so it looks personal)

Dear John (Boehner).

We are going to have to work harder if this whole BI-partisan thing is to work out. I have extended my hand to you on several occasions and all I am getting back is the cold shoulder. To make our relationship fun and exciting I have even offered to pick you up in the Air Force One jet, and on one of our first dates. This is a definite sign I am making the effort.

Please tell me how I might best communicate with you, as people are starting to talk. If you think this power play is going to help you look like the one in control… Remember, I have the master key. Also, we have each made our separate beds and we will have to sleep in them; however, I refuse to live in different houses.

Your commander and chief,

Barack O

(Totally unrelated)

Oh, by the way, if you are one of my regular readers, Twitter followers or Facebook fans then you know Mrs. Roberts and I had a baby girl 3 months ago. Well I am here to tell you she is doing swell. I thought I had learned all I could have and if you told me that a kid would have been able to teach me a thing or two, I would have told you phewwy! But I learn every day.

I also want you all to know that if you are like me and you don`t sleep much, and find you are mostly creative in the middle of the night, then the baby job is the job for you. It gives me a justifiable reason to be up at 2-3-4-6 all before the daylight breaks. That`s unless you are a vampire! Ooo, now that might get me the readers I want: trick roping, vampire, humorist… Hmmm

Your friend,

Will Roberts

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